After reading these beautifully crafted insults, there’s clearly a need for university-level courses to promote the mining of our ironic ore deposits. How much poorer our language would be without wit like this!
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
“He had delusions of adequacy.”
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”
-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
Browse more wit at the Bore Me website.